Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
