I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
