He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
MIDGETS
????
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize