i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
