I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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