So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
