I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
