So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
FUCK WHALES
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