Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
