I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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