Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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