i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
