dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize