Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
