Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
