it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
