i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
