Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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