They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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