I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
