Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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