You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
