Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
