I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
