A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
