my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
