He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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