Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
