**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize