alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
