first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
