Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
