I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
