dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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