I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
