I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
