You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
