You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
