What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
