just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
