You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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