I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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