Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
