Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
