i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
