Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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