He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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