HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
