Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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