I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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