So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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