how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
