She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize