When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
