Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
