We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
