It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she peed on how many people?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
