they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize