it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize