I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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