he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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