Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
