Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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