I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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