my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
