She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
