Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
