White coat. Heels.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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