i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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