he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
