Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
