I CAN MOONWALK!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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