After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
