Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
