you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
