just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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