Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
