i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
