She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
