he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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