if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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