his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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