There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
tell me about the fingering
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