God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
