I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
