I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize