Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
