this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
