i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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