I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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