It's a beautiful day for a hangover
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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