he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
