When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
