i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
