ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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