Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
