dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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