I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
