i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can I color on your dick again?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
