well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
