I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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